Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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