pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
