not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
