u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
