We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
