Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
