evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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