Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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