A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
