So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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