I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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