My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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