he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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