I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
