totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
