I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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