butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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