Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So vagazzling was a success
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
