At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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