i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
