Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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