My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
