she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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