so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
