sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
