Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
