if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
