You can't special order awesome
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
