Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
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Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text