Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.