is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
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i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.