Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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