even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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