Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
