I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize