3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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