Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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