Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
