Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
