Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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