just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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