im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will pee on everything he values.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
