This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
