I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hippo gnu deer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pants are for mortals
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
