got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
