I faked an abortion last night.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
