Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
