That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
