I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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