Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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