WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
