I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
