you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize