she woke up with a sticky ear
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
