We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
