I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
