I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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