Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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