I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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