so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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