I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
