i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
